A Past That Cannot Die
by TrainHeartnetXIII
Summary: I'm wishing I could hear your voice again...knowing that I never will.


A Past That Cannot Die

The Forgotten

"I can't do this…" He choked as he fell to his knees before the bench they had promised to visit every year. " I can't do it anymore."

Kirjava padded to his side, brushing her soft head against his fallen hand. There was so much pain welling up inside the both of them that it felt as though their hearts might burst at once.

Will's hand reached up, his fingers shaking as they came in contact with the smooth stone of the bench. He didn't have the strength anymore.

Emptiness filled him. It felt as though his world had been lost-as if his heart had been torn from his chest and trampled upon by the very people he had trusted. What could he do now? How could he go on without her?

It was as if she were gone in the very sense of it. As if she were dead. He would never see her again…that was the cruel truth of it. He would never look into her eyes-never hear her voice-never feel the touch of her hand. He would never feel her warmth beside him…not until the day they died.

If this was how he must live he knew it could be nothing but a tortured life. Would a day go by when he would not think of her? When he would not wish she were there beside him?

It had been so tempting to ignore Seraphina's words…to keep the knife and use it to cut a window into Lyra's distant world. He could have…but not anymore. The knife lay in ruin, just as it felt his life did.

How cruel was it to do what the world had done to him? To give him everything he needed-everything he had been unknowingly searching for before wrenching it away. It was as if his soul had stayed behind with Lyra when he had closed the window between their worlds.

Now he stood in the midst of his own world…in a world he did not belong in and no longer understood. He was not welcome here-or was it that he did not welcome it into his heart? He couldn't. His heart was closed-it was barricaded for fear of being hurt again. He was alone now as he felt he would be forever.

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Lyra sat on the stone bench, the cool breeze brushing through her hair as her eyes wandered up to the starry sky. This night, among the many she had spent in this very spot, seemed different somehow.

Pantaliamon sat beside her, his red fur glinting in the moonlight as his dark eyes watched her intently. There was a current of pain that was passing between them-something both of them could barely begin to comprehend.

Would it always be like this? Would she always feel this terrible, heart-wrenching pain? Would it always be hard to see clearly through the tears that threatened to fall or to breathe through her tightened chest?

Time had fallen around them unnoticed. Months, if not years had gone by since the day she had watched Will close the window that led into his foreign home. It had taken every thread of strength she possessed to stop herself from rushing through at the last moment before he could close himself off from her…before he could disappear.

Was this fair? Was this what she deserved? She had done everything in her power to help those she loved or knew she must defend, and this was how the world repaid her?

Her eyes lowered slowly as the tears she was now so familiar with began to cloud her vision. This place was so familiar to her, not because it had been a common haunt of her long passed childhood, but because it was her last connection to him… It was where her missing piece resided.

When she was here she was whole…no longer the stranger she had come to know herself as since that fateful day when they had parted. The world had stayed the same, but Lyra had changed. She was no longer the innocent young child she had once been, and consequently she was no longer willing to believe everything she was told as she once had.

She blinked away her tears as another cool breeze fluttered through the leaves of the trees that stood around her. She lowered her hand to the cold stone of the bench, feeling with all her might for the presence of another, but there was none.

"Do you think he still comes here?" She asked Pantalaimon without looking at him.

"Of course he does." Her daemon replied quietly, her pain shared just as equally with his small heart. "He would never forget."

"It's been seven years…" She trailed off, refusing to let her thoughts stray further.

"And I'll bet he's been here seven times." He said, his mind wandering to Kirjava. "You did promise to come here only once a year after all."

Her eyes fell to his glittering ones, hope vivid in his face as he tried to pass his emotions onto her. He was right. They had only promised to visit this place once every year, but Lyra had come almost every day…and she had to wonder if Will had been just as desperate for their minute connection as she was.

"I just hope he hasn't forgotten me…"

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Hey, readers. I wrote this after I finished re-reading "The Amber Spyglass" and I just couldn't help myself. There is so much emotion at the end of that book. I absolutely hate what happens to Will and Lyra. It's the kind of ending you can't contain, your emotions get the best of you and you have to find a way to release them. So I wrote this.

I did initially write a part after Lyra that went back to Will, and I will include it in the next chapter. I'm not sure how far this story will go. I don't have an idea for a storyline at the moment, but I'd like to come up with something…we'll see.

For now I hope you enjoyed the first part. We'll see where it goes; I'll have to think it over during my spring holiday. Ciao!


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